Ushiromiya Python and the Holy Grail
by Kanon The Great
Summary: What sane person would make a reference to a spamtastic british comedy series and apply it to an anime/visual novel? The admin apparently. This is a journey of insane references of a witch that seeks to find the Holy Grail with the help of the Ushiromiya's and Witches. If you've never seen the movie or have no idea of the references i make. I feel bad for you. Rated T for now


**Sorry for not making a story, the author was busy listening to Pink Floyd**

"It is the year 1970 / 2 was the year of tragedy. It was the years of Plague, Plague, and Wik.

In the kingdom of Mercia, the Wik was so bad that almost 45% of the population was covered in feces of Moose.

Moose are interesting, but they are also strong.

No really, they are.

One day a Moose bit my mother.

No really! She was fishing and she went to get a Miller Lite and the moose came and bit her on the rear end!

She had to get buttock transplants!"

**DISCLAIMER! We apologize for the commentary of the beginning of this paragraph. The ones responsible have been sacked. **

"In the meantime, the nations of England were blessed with a new ruler; a ruler that would reunite and bring glory to the kingdom once and for all. The Moose Beatrice"

**DISCLAIMER! We apologize for the apologize of the people who previously sacked the ones who needed to be sacked and forgot to sack the others. The ones responsible have been sacked. **

*This book has been made for the sake of tribute for Monty Python, as well as telling the story of a Moose*

_Hey! This is not what the fanfiction was supposed to be! _

_W-well blame the admin for writing a shitty book! _

_WAAH! Virgillia! Battler's stories are horrible! _

_Beato, just ask the intern for a better story. _

_F-fine! Furniture! Get over here! _

_I can only write poetry, I'm too busy watching the Godfather anyways. _

_He's not an intern Virgillia, he's just an idiotic Original Character used to represent a hippie from the 1960's and 1970's and to supply something unique besides making the story a shitty retelling of a funny comedy movie from his time period. _

_W-what?! That's not even an explanation! BAKA! _

_The Larch_

The sound of a horse echoes through the cold foggy air as a royal person treads on in the search. The fog cleared as the small caravan made its way through revealing the royal subject. Her name was Queen Beatrice and her servant Ronove Patsy provided her with the soundtrack of a horse by banging two Coconuts together to act as their steed.

Unfortunately, only the king was aloud to bang her coconuts. Or so he at least THOUGHT.

Anyways, they reached onwards, until coming across what seemed to be a castle of some sort when they heard a sound.

"Halt! Who goes there?" Said a voice from high above. Although his colleagues knew him as Kanon, he actually has a nametag called "The furniture that has a keen interest in birds" In fact he invented the field guide and binoculars. Thus making perverts happy too.

"It is Beatrice! The golden witch and queen of the britains! Sovereign of all England! Bow to me you furniture!" She declared cackling at the same time. It was for some strange reason that a witch was even aloud to even be a queen. The same as it is for someone to be living like a king some day, but actually that seems more realistic than this present scenario. Nevertheless in this kakera it exists.

"Who's the other one?!" The furniture asks.

"This is my trusted furniture, steed, and butler Ronove Patsy! We have struggled across all corners of my precious land in search of knights who will join me in the Ushiromiya head!" She says crossing her arms impatiently.

"You rode on a horse?!" He asks.

"What?"

"You're using Coconuts!"

"What do you mean by that furniture!?"

"You've got two half shells of coconuts and you're banging them together!" Kanon explains questioning why Coconuts existed in such an area with climate that would make a penguin head to the tropics.

"So what?! We have reason since we hath strolled the kingdom for hundreds of miles." She declared waving her fist in a tsundere like fashion. "Through the kingdom of mercia and—"

"Where'd you get the coconuts?!"

"Well we found them!" She said rather annoyed that a peasant gatekeeper to a castle would be questioning her.

"What? In Mercia but the Coconut's tropical!" The furniture that has a keen interest in birds said.

"So what?!"

"Well this is a temperate zone! The biome regions here in England consist mainly of Elms, Adler and Oak trees! The northernmost Coconuts would be in the Botanical Gardens in Italy!" He explained.

"The swallow may fly south with the sun or the butterfly or the plumber may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land." Beatrice said thinking she had outsmarted the useless furniture.

"Are you suggesting Coconuts migrate?"

"Not at all~! They can be carried!"

"What a swallow carrying a coconut? I can't even see that possible! Bird migration routes don't allow such ideas!"

"It could grip it by the husk!"

"Its not a question on where it grips it! It's a simple challenge of weight ratio! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut!"

"Well it doesn't matter! Would you ask your master to see if he would be interested in joining us in our castle at Camelot?" Beatrice sighed.

"R-ronove! GRRR! What's with peasants and animal sciences?!" Beatrice growled.

"Look in order to maintain airspeed velocity! A swallow, has to beat its wings forty-three times every seconds right?"

Beatrice and Ronove paused. "Please!"

"Am I right?" Kanon insisted.

"I'm not interested idiot!" Beatrice shouted.

"It could be carried by an African Swallow!" A figure popped out of the castle. The Furniture with a keen interest in birds and trees number two. Genji.

"Well yeah an African Swallow maybe but I'm talking about the European Swallow that's my thing." Kanon explained to Willard.

"Beautiful bird the African Swallow, lovely plumage." Said Genji.

"Well technically the European Swallows migration routes do not correspond with any ranges of the Coconut Palm Tree." Ronove Patsy said interested in the conversation.

"Yeah that's true, and plus its called the Barn Swallow throughout Europe!" Genji said.

"Hey ronove, didn't the European- er I mean Barn Swallow get introduced to America?" Kanon asked.

"As far as I know it's been introduced in mass."

"Could it be possible that one of the Barn Swallows collected a coconut and then it was accidently transported back to England or died near the beach and the current brought it off here?"

"It's a theory, but we'd have to get DNA and compare it to coconuts from those areas and compare that to Barn Swallow distribution." Ronove said.

"Would you ask your master? IF he would be interested in joining us already!" Beatrice said angrily.

"Wait a minute! Suppose two swallows carried them together?" Genji suggested to kanon.

"Well they'd have to have it on a line or something"

"Well yeah of course"

"What held under the dorsal guided feathers?"

"Well yeah!"

Beatrice eventually was so sick of this that she began to stroll off with Ronove hoping to find someone who was actually worth their time.

**AAAAANNNNNDDD That is Chapter 1. If you're utterly confused, tune in to chapter two because the Monty Python references shall continue. I swear to Brian that i'll finish this one. **


End file.
